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Football Farce

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Anthony Gordon Declared Catalan After Three Games for Barcelona

Anthony Gordon has been declared Catalan after completing three appearances and providing three assists for Barcelona.

A banner displayed outside the Camp Nou featured the England international wearing sunglasses alongside the words “Antoni Gros e Català”, which translates as “Big Anthony is Catalan”.

Gordon joined Barcelona from Newcastle United for £69.3 million earlier this summer and has required little time to become locally recognised.

The 25-year-old provided two assists after coming off the bench during Barcelona’s 5–0 opening-day victory over Elche. That made him the first player in the 21st century to register two assists on his La Liga debut.

He then made his first start in a 2–0 victory over Athletic Bilbao before producing a backheel assist for Raphinha during Monday’s 5–2 win against Rayo Vallecano.

His cultural integration has therefore progressed at precisely one assist per appearance.

Gordon also impressed supporters by answering questions in Spanish during his unveiling. He explained that he had practised the language with a physiotherapist at Newcastle because he believed he would eventually play for Barcelona.

Learning the language, creating three goals and contributing to three consecutive victories appears to have satisfied the requirements for immediate Catalan recognition.

Evidence of Gordon’s new status currently consists of one banner circulated across social media. This remains more documentation than most football nicknames receive.

The winger was born in Liverpool, represents England and spent his entire senior career in the Premier League before moving to Spain.

Barcelona supporters have reviewed those details and decided that three games were sufficient to complete the necessary transition.

Gordon arrived as a £69.3 million English winger. Three appearances later, the transfer fee is being justified and the English part is becoming an administrative detail.

Football Farce

Refs. VAR. Bottling. Chaos.